"Why don't you like the ocean?", I hear you say? "The ocean is wonderful, and allows boats to travel to distant lands etc etc etc." - well that's all true. But have you ever come face to face with a blood thirsty, 12ft Great White Shark? No? Well neither have I. But this guy has.
Look at that forced smile... And so did this guy-
And I think both of these attacks happened in some water based terrain. Because sharks don't lounge in trees. Except this one..
But it's not just sharks. I don't like anything in the sea: Whales, jellyfish, drowning, The Lock Ness Monster, manatees (I don't even know what one looks like.) When I was a wee lad I had a reoccurring dream in which I'm sitting in a paddling boat and then a shadow appears around me. The shadow gets larger until a whale bursts from the water and eats me whole. The end.
This is also why a holiday destination with a beach nearby adds nothing to my experience. I don't like sand...
And I shan't be paddling in any shark infested death waves either.
I guess the whole point of this is I'm trying to say, if anyone had a Christmas present planned for me, perhaps a spontaneous aquatic styled holiday - maybe involving a manatee. Get me socks instead.
Thank you for reading. I couldn't find the song this post is named after on Youtube, so I'll leave you with a much less relevant song by the same band. Peace & love. Enjoy. x
